Thursday, February 11, 2016

The Controller - Installment # 1 in which we meet Allen the Controller

"I'm not sure you understand what I am supposed to be doing for this company...." 
Nick backs off, pulls up a chair and sits directly in front of Allen's desk. "Well, tell me. This is my company now and I need to know what my controller thinks."
By my wings, if that guy would just send up a simple prayer! I’m Mork, Allen’s guardian angel. I used to have more daily work when his mother was alive. Now, there was a prayer warrior, always praying for Allen and for his sister Melanie, and myriads of other people. We angels had plenty of interesting and entertaining work when that woman was alive.
Oh, just got an order. Don’t quite know what to do with it. I mean Allen could use some tips from his mom. “Get this guy out of my office.” Can you believe that? What kind of powerful prayer is that? Send my problem away. Does he not know this problem could use attention now?
Well, mine is not to question. Mine is to get Nick out of here.
Too bad Nick doesn’t have a guardian angel with him, I could use some help with this. If a guy doesn’t come with a guardian angel you know that God knows he is unlikely to ask for a stitch of help. The Nick-type guy thinks he can run the world on his own, thank you very much. Never asks for help. If and when he does, a bunch of us have orders to be ready to get on the case. That’s when you see amazing miracles. In the meantime his angel gets to do temporary assignments other places.
Allen pulls up a job description on his computer. He reads out, “My job is to safeguard assets and assure accurate and timely recording of all transactions by implementing disciplines of internal audits, controls and checks of this company.  This includes managing the accuracy and productivity of day-to-day activities of accounts payable, cash disbursements, invoicing/billing, customer credits and collections, payroll, perpetual inventory integrity, fixed asset records, entity accounting, cost accounting, etc.”
Way to go Allen. You will bore him out of here in no time.
“Develop, improve and issue timely monthly financial records for the board of directors.”
“There is no board of directors. I am the board,” Nick says.
“When did that happen?”
“Yesterday. They all resigned.” Nick looks at Allen stone-faced. 
Allen winces and continues, “I also have to assure financial plans are consistent with organizational goals, provide financial analysis tools to evaluate company ventures or special projects, etc., manage banking relationships, assure that assets are not awkwardly encumbered with personal guarantees or unrealistic commitments…”
“What does that even mean?” Nick asks.
“Basically I have to make sure this business is about this business and other commitments don’t get in the way.”
“Okay, I get it.” Nick stands up.
“There’s more.”
“Send me a memo.
Nick is doing the glance at the watch thing. I don’t think he actually looked at the time. That’s just my opinion, of course.
Nick is out of here. Prayer answered without my help.
Allen puts his head in his hands. “Lord, what will I do?” 
Okay, that prayer will go directly to the throne room of God and if Allen tunes in he will hear an answer. My guess is that he is not expecting an answer and won’t hear it. There it is, “Trust me.” Clear as a church bell.
“Lord, why don’t you answer me.” Allen looks up at the ceiling, 
Told you, he is not listening. Sometimes I would just like to give him a little seminar. Not in my job description. Too bad!

No comments: